Road Trip through Mid-Life: The Travel Essentials

Mid-Life Crisis

You could say I took a traditional route to “success” ....college, graduate school, began a career, and started my own psychology business. I was finding my voice in my 40’s, feeling confident...moving right along. Eventually, I even went on an adventure, moved to the mountains and tried a new job.

WITHOUT NOTICE, at about age 48, I hit a series of road bumps. I was fired from a job I really liked. Having owned a business and then being fired did not make sense to me. My ego was bruised. Then I was "pushed out" of another job as a prison psychologist. For the first time, really, my life was fraught with ageism, sexism, and admonishment for giving my opinions and ideas.

So I guess you could say, I didn't avoid the stereotypical mid-life crisis. I know there’s a lot of help out there to avoid it, but my experience was of crisis proportions to me. I didn’t see it coming, and I ran fast into a wall. Everything hit me at once. I was being discriminated against, lost my job, my body was changing, traumatic wounds were triggered, and all of a sudden I lost myself. I felt empty; depressed even.

So when I was released from prison (I'm talking about the job, silly), I wanted to rebuild my confidence, find my lost voice, and frankly, earn an income again. The first thing I did was a lot of organizing. Marie Kondo (The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up) became my best friend. Clear out the old to make way for the new I've always believed. I did a lot of yoga. And I made a vision board without even having a vision-just hoping I’d get one!

Signs of a Crisis

I can tell you there are some women who fear the changes they’re experiencing. Come on, who prepared us for what our bodies and minds would start doing during the menopausal transition. Did anyone say to you when you were 20, "You know in about 30 years, your fat cells will tend to redistribute around your middle, and it will be harder to get rid of them". Or, "In about 3 decades it may start to feel like you might internally combust and become a raging fire." But really, that realization that you can’t control everything about your body can be a shocker.

Some women believe they can’t possibly make changes after 50, because they’re too old. They may be used to having things the same way for a long time--their relationships, career, or even their haircut! They may dread doing life the same way for the next several decades, but they believe they're stuck.

There’s a significant number of women out there who are experiencing mental health symptoms in middle age. Some symptoms have been around a while and may have gotten worse, or some have begun with new challenges like caring for older children and parents, career dissatisfaction, poor social connections and maybe marital and partner dissatisfaction. I've heard a lot of women say their old coping skills don't work as well now.

Creativity, Curiosity, Connectedness and Laughter

So sure, I've always had psychology to fall back on, but I wanted to use it in a new way; to help middle age women who I knew, must have had the same experiences as me. Surely I wasn't the only one, and I was right! I started getting creative and curious and experimented with a different way of telling people what I do for a living. Any time a woman asked what I do, I said I’m a psychologist that specializes in helping women navigate middle age. I’d see a spark, and in a matter of minutes, they were sharing their experiences and challenges at this stage of life. We were friends even if only for a moment in time.

I started this blog, Aging With Humor, as another way to connect with middle age women. Laughter connects people. Get someone to laugh; you'll bond for a moment. Laugh about sagging bodies, new smells, vaginal dryness and brain fog, and you're buddies.

So there you go, I'd found my first four travel essentials. I was turning this crisis into something purposeful and fun.

"My creative energy, and increased attempts to connect with women, have helped me accept the reality of aging, and also to dismantle the belief that as a middle age woman, I’m washed up, am invisible or have nothing more to contribute to the world."

Why Road Trip?

The idea of a road trip is often fun and exciting, you get to experience something new. Like middle age, a road trip can be exhilarating. But like middle age, road trips can be met with frustration and obstacles that make it challenging to get to your destination. Who hasn't experienced lost reservations, no cell phone coverage and missed connections. So why not call my workshop Road Trip?

The Complete Travel Case

I thought long, but not too hard, because it was fairly simple to write down the other skills and concepts that have helped me rediscover myself, speak loudly again, cope with the uncertainty middle age can bring, and to also help appreciate all the wonderful gifts middle age has to offer. But these things weren't learned in a day. They take time and practice, but I know I can teach women to understand them and begin to experience them. I also know it's helpful to learn about different things all in one place. That's why I shop at stores that have mannequins dressed in an entire outfit, so I don't have to waste time and mental energy piecing it all together. Plus, it's nice to have the guidance of a professional with a license.

So alright, already! What are the other essentials you ask?

1. Self-reflection- taking a look at who you've been to help determine who you want to be.

2. Authenticity- I mean letting go of perfectionism.

3. C-squared- curiosity and creativity (2 for 1!).

4. Courage- the ability to take action despite fear.

5. Voice-Over- my term for believing your words are important and learning to say them with confidence.

6. Rogaining- not to be confused with the hair growth drug! This is actually the sport of cross-country navigation, involving maps and routes. But here you'll learn the practical stuff to get what you want such as technology, career exploration, and other how-to's.

7. Connectedness- the benefits of social support.

8. Boundaries- how to say "no", "stop", or to walk away.

9. Resilience-the ability to bounce back more easily from difficulty.

10. Self-compassion and self-care- learning not to forget yourself.

11. Presence-learning to experience the present moment and have gratitude.

12. Laughter/Celebration- how to celebrate your wins!

Each skill corresponds with the parts of taking a road trip. For example, self reflection corresponds with taking inventory of where you've travelled, where you haven't travelled and how to choose the next trip. Connectedness corresponds with choosing travel companions vs. traveling solo and the pros and cons of each. And so on.....

You have to Experience it to Understand it.

There are different types of teaching styles. My favorite is through experience. It gets that mind-body-spirit connection fired up!

There are 3 reasons I'd like you to come with me and experience a "mini" road trip:

*To help you determine if you like this style of teaching.

* To determine if we're a good fit.

*To help you decide if want to take a longer journey with me.

Click here to register your interest in my FREE mini-Road Trip.

www.agingwithhumor.com/roadtrip