May She Rest in Peace

Not long ago I was talking to my single 54 year old friend about a recent sexual experience she had. I tensed and asked her if she was worried about VD. She said that she was but that everything turned out just fine. She attributed it to all the fish oil she said she “sucks down daily”. ** Crisis averted. That could’ve been really embarrassing I thought. What would she have said to her partner? Would he have understood? It’s bad enough to deal with on its own, but then to have rubber irritate it even further I thought. Ouch.

When I was 25, the letters VD drew to mind a much different picture than it does in my 54 year old mind. Did it in yours? I’m talking about VAGINAL DRYNESS! Oh yes I am!

Remember when VD conjured up scary words like chlamydia, herpes and gonorrhea? Now it’s conjuring abrasion, pain, lubrication, preparation, and loss of spontaneity. I’m pretty sure no one prepared me for this. This topic was never included in the sex ed I received from my mother, or the human sexuality class I took in college. But again, as I’ve become more confident in my middle-age self, the words are rolling off my tongue and shocker-I’m not alone.

Vaginal dryness is a result of decreased levels of estrogen, which is a female hormone that keeps the vagina lubricated, thick and elastic ***. As estrogen declines, the lining of the vagina may become thinner, drier, less elastic, and I even read the color may change from pink to blue! Is it dying!? They call it atrophy. I’m picturing a tombstone that says:

Lovely Vagina

1966- 2020

Died of atrophic vaginitis.

She brought joy to all her knew her.

Of course, every woman who goes through menopause will experience symptoms differently, and these will have varying degrees of severity. But a much smaller percentage of women who experience VD talk about it with their doctor. A 2000 medical article indicated that up to 40% of women experience it, but only 20 to 25% seek medical attention. And there are ways to help and still have a satisfying sex life.

So what does VD have to do with our sexiness? NOTHING! Sexiness is a state mind. It’s not just about someone else thinking you are sexy. It’s about an inner confidence, how you carry yourself, and how you walk through every action of your day. It’s more about aura than external body characteristics.

Here are 10 ideas for letting your sexiness bloom:

1. Make eye contact- Not only does eye contact make you sexy, it also makes you seem confident and in control. If you are a shy person, try practicing in front of a mirror. After this, try-making eye contact with people you are most comfortable with i.e. family, friends, and co-workers.

2. Smile!

3. Try a new look. Allow your authenticity to shine rather than reflecting what you think others want to see.

4. Wear clothes that accentuate your body type-Being sexy doesn’t mean you should wear less clothing. Showing tons of skin doesn’t translate to sexy.

5. Allow yourself to be imperfect-Imperfections are what make you unique. Trying to fit into the norms of the society is something you should never do because it limits you.

6. Keep your mind beautiful and use your brain. Read.

7. Engage in a new experience and try doing things out of your comfort zone.

8. There is sexiness in humor. Loosen up. Don’t take life so seriously.

9. Allow yourself to be awed by other sexy women. Don’t compete. Be inspired.

10. Last but not least, try red lipstick :)

I had to grow to love my body. I did not have a good self-image at first. Finally it occurred to me, I’m either going to love me or hate me. And I chose to love myself. Then everything kind of sprung from there. Things that I thought weren’t attractive became sexy. Confidence makes you sexy — Queen Latifah

You can read the article here:

https://www.aafp.org/afp/2000/0515/p3090.html

**This is her opinion and is not to be interpreted as medical fact.

***Note that there are also other causes of vaginal dryness and a doctor should rule those out. A doctor can also give you options for treatment.